Sunday, October 26, 2008

Being with HER

Staying in the State for a month...
30 days passed
A lots of things had happened in this short month,
been sacrificed leave all the things in M'sia-
Family, Buddies, Lover, Education & my Lifestyle.
Finding hard to let thing goes & being alone
but have to..

I have a new life here..which i never ever wish to have to
Being here for a month,
I always stay in a moody day~
I feel like a prisoner,
Staying in a jail.
What ever i did..i need to pass through her..
i lost my privacy, my life..MYSELF~

i found out that is a big gap between me & her.
She too much control,
Too many words,
Hard to communicate as well.
She never ever bother about my feeling,
she just want me to be what she wanted to..
What she think is right..
By not letting me to be myself..
I tried to voice up my feeling for so many times..
even had arguement..
but what I got is just zerO.
She never accept whatever i said,
she never accept my personality,
She's not willing to be understand her own daugther
for never staying with her in 8 years
she never be respect of me-
for scolded me, yelled at me in sudden
& complaint about all the passed
blame on us..especially my dad

I feel so stress..so tire..for listening of her
telling the same old story in this 8 years
for comparing herself wif dad
I don find the point?
I just feel annoyed.

I feel so disappointed..
for everything she did to me.
I dunno how to face a people like her
yet she is my mom.
I dunno how to respect her..
even i tried so many time..
i just can't face or stand a person like her,
never ever admit the problems she have;
Never ever care about ppl's feeling at all;
Never ever listen to peoples';
Always aspecting everyone to follow her needs;
shout & yell whenever she feels wrong;
Always put the blame on others but not herself;
Turning all the stories to show out herself;
etc..

I had be silence all the while
after I found out pointless to talk to her, to discuss with her.
But yet, get scolded as well.
I'm tire..

I'm not a dog,
I'm not her maid,
I'm not her machine-ROBOT.
I have my own characters,
I have my own privacy,
I have my plans.
I know i gonna be tough
because I'm alone here.
I have nothing here.
I'll wait the time comes,
TO BE MYSELF

I miss Malaysia so much..I miss my life..
I miss the days that all of you for always being with me
Support me, care of me, loves me
all the while when I'm in M'sia.
I miss every single minutes that I had been in M'sia.
I miss my 21 years life there..
I love u all..
I wish I could get back my life..
Moving on..